Something Like
by Selphiebunny
Summary: And Naruto drew a heart on his wrist, imperfect and deformed and ugly, but in Sasuke's eyes, the message was clear. Never again. [SasuNaru, yaoi.]
1. Control Center

**Disclaimer**: Tis disclaimed.  
**Summary**: And Naruto drew a heart on his wrist, imperfect and deformed and ugly, but in Sasuke's eyes, the message was clear.  
**Warning: **UnSasuke like behaviour... kind of. I think it's a bit ooc. Otherwise, yaoi.**  
Pairing**: SasukexNaruto, SasukexSakura

* * *

**Something Like  
**i. control center

* * *

"Insolent. Stupid. Useless. Naive. Loud. Obnoxious. Crazy. Obsessive. Caring. Beautiful... compassionate, adorable."

Naming little faults, trying to convince himself that he made the right decision.

It's 12:01 a.m on the nose, and he's lying awake, chewing his nails to the meat, twitching just enough for it to be apparent, and his throat is so dry it would bleed sand if you slit it.

If you look down, nothing is really out of the ordinary.

But there's a heart in black ink on his left wrist, badly drawn and ugly, and it's slowly tearing him apart from the inside out with guilt. He deserves this.

Naruto drew it last night, when he told him he was marrying Sakura next Spring.

When he ripped out every last shard of security from him, piece by piece.

The Uchiha bloodline needs an heir. Needs to be rebuilt, reborn, to be the clan it once was. Only he can do that, and Naruto is no woman. He can't bear his children, give him the only thing that stands in their way.

He does not regret this.

He never thought it would turn out like this, he should have never cared. He knew what would happen a long time ago when they were children, he knew that if he opened up, it would be the end. He could never allow himself, forgive himself, if the Uchiha clan died out completely with him.

It would have been fine, his life would have worked out if it wasn't for Itachi. Sometimes, Sasuke likes to imagine the happiness that was so firmly in his hands. He could of had it _all_.

But now, Itachi is dead and gone, his presence never torturing Sasuke's soul again.

But last night, Sasuke did a bad thing.

He watched the only person he ever truly cared for walk out of his life.

With no... regrets.

Uchiha Sasuke is shopping for food. His refrigerator is bare. The last bit of something edible was a strawberry... and a cup of instant miso. Sasuke hates strawberries.

So he pushes the cart through the aisles, glaring down at the dirty tiled floor. His arm reaches out and swipes a few cans of vegetables in, wincing at the loud clunking sound. His sleeve is hiked up a little, exposing the heart he hasn't washed off yet.

Half of it is almost perfectly drawn, while the other side is bumpy with mistakes, crude and deformed. Sasuke turns away and keeps moving.

It's like a chore, moving his feet. Every step seems like mile when someone isn't there, pushing him on to get to the good things, like chips and candy and ra -

Sasuke frowns and shakes his head.

_Fuck, I don't need this._

The Uchiha mansion is cold and lonely.

The antiques continue to collect dust, the floor has the same creak as it did when Sasuke was a child. He deposits the food on the overly large table, putting everything away.

With his mind unguardedly blank, visions from the previous night singed across his mind.

Naruto's livid, broken face.

Naruto's anger fading into shock.

Naruto slumping onto the living room floor, tears streaming out of his eyes and sobs wracking his body.

Naruto ripping off the ring on his finger and throwing it at him as he ran out the door.

Sasuke screams, punching the wall and efficiently breaking his hand in the process. Strangely the pain feels good, it lets him know he's really alive in this complete nightmare.

"Itachi! Itachi you fucking bastard! I'm going to dig up whats left of your corpse and piss on it!"

It isn't supposed to be funny, just nonsensical things Sasuke shouts, but he ends up laughing until he is crying, sliding down the wall into a puddle of himself, of his ruined life.

"Fuck."

He can't regret this decision. There needs to be Uchihas. Naruto will never be what Sasuke needs him to be. Besides, maybe this way, Naruto will find someone who can openly express their love for him, and not be afraid to throw any and everything away just to be with him.

And Sasuke will accept that. No really, he will. He won't hate the person who will capture Naruto's still raw heart ( unless it's Sai because he definitely already hates Sai ) or threaten them or anything.

Sasuke sighs and shakily stands, threading thin fingers into the midnight hair women and men alike swoon for. Wouldn't it be funny for everyone to know that he hasn't washed it in three or four days, the strands losing their usual beautiful shine and settling into a dull black. There's no point anymore.

If he closes his eyes, he can hear that loud, sharp voice cutting through his thoughts and demanding attention.

_SAKURA! MARRY!? SASUKE YOU COULD HAVE TOLD ME THIS BEFORE I DECIDED THAT, OH YEAH, I LOVED YOU!_

Flash.

Naruto slamming a priceless antique at the wall, barely missing his head. The pieces flying in every direction, slicing shallowly through his cheek. The pain was welcome. He needed it.

_I FUCKING HATE YOU UCHIHA SASUKE_! I_ CAN'T BELIEVE I LET YOU EVER, __**EVER **__TOUCH ME_! _ALL YOU DO IS HURT PEOPLE, THAT'S ALL YOU'RE GODDAMN GOOD FOR!_ Quieter, chest rising and falling and bleeding and aching, Naruto whispered, never again.

Never again.

The date seemed to loom closer each time Sasuke had looked at the calender, and now it's finally here. The trees sway in a gentle motion, the sky free of clouds.

She is exceptionally lovely this day, with the soft caress of the sun extenuating her sharp features, glaring off her bright pink hair. She smiles at him warmly, and he can only nod. To her, this is the greatest moment of her life.

To Sasuke it is the worst.

Every boy in the village would be thrilled with Sakura for a bride. Lee is in the crowd, a small smile on his face. He's happy for her, even when she didn't pick him.

Sasuke feels like vomiting.

Sasuke can't meet his eyes.

Numbly, he stands there and listens to the minister speak the words he has been dreading.

"You may kiss the bride."

There is cheering and clapping when he carefully leans down and brushes his lips with hers, pretending that she is not really there, that she has whisker scars and wind chapped imperfect lips. But she doesn't, and he must learn to accept that.

"Uchiha Sasuke and Sakura."

Through the applause, Sasuke can hear it. Just a faint hitch in breathing, trivial to anyone else.

His heart is lying on the expensive red carpet, blood mixing with the velvet.

He caused this.

Blue eyes burn into his back, and as he turns, Sasuke catches the detached smile on Naruto's barely shaking lips. There is no happiness or joy within those intense eyes, nothing but disappointment and regret.

Regret.

Sasuke hates Sakura in that moment for rubbing this in, unintentionally or not. Naruto couldn't _not_ come, they were best friends, right? Right...?

There is laughing and smiles all around, but Sasuke remains his stoic self, sitting and watching the party unfold. His friends, all coupled together and moving on with their lives dance and enjoy themselves. Kiba and Hinata, Neji and Shikamaru, Ino and Chouji.

They had a choice.

Sasuke swallows the sake bitterly.

The heart on his wrist bleeds black.

He will never wipe it off.

tbc.

: Stupid Sasuke. -sets him on fire- there we go.  
Basically I wrote this because I wanted to write Sasuke shopping moodily. seriously. that's all.

ahah, random, ne?

I want to continue this, I even planned ahead! Sasuke living a lie with Sakura and such, but I'm not revealing anything... so you'll have to review if you want more? Yes!


	2. Reception

Disclaimer: Tis disclaimed.  
Warning: Future yaoi, language and angsty situations.  
Pairings: SasukexNaruto, SasukexSakura

_It was the hardest thing to swallow,_

_pretending you don't miss me._

**Something Like**  
ii. reception

Sasuke stares at the child with mild interest.

The little boy smiles at him with an open mouth and a high pitched laugh, but Sasuke does not acknowledge him. The hair is a dark black, already so much. The eyes, big and round, a soft emerald. Not blue. Sasuke spoons him his food listlessly until Sakura comes home.

When he hears the door creak open to the manor, he immediately gets up and washes his hands.

Children are the worst kind of germ.

The shrill cry of the baby is only silenced by quick footsteps. Sakura picks him up with a sharp laugh, smiling brightly at Sasuke. The groceries lay discarded around her feet.

Sasuke should be happy. His family is picture perfect. Sakura is the loving mother and loyal wife, his son healthy and right for an heir.

He feels nothing.

The pain of what he had to give up is what he sees when he stares at them. It's completely selfish, Sasuke knows this. He accepts this. He really doesn't give a shit.

"I'm going outside," he murmurs, taking a book from the messy stack on the counter.

"Dinner will be ready in a few, Sasuke," Sakura's breathy whisper is lost in the wind once he steps into the fresh air. The sun is bright and doesn't relent in its unusual heat.

His eyes skim over words he never reads. He does this every day and just sits and imagines. He doesn't even have to try to think about how it would be like.

Without Sakura, and the child, or the unspoken promise that Sasuke would carry on the line of the Uchiha.

When Sasuke closes his eyes, he sees that grin curling pale lips, body strung tight for a spar. Laughing, always laughing, and so happy.

Genuinely happy.

They still talk sometimes.

Quietly, and without substance. Their conversations are really just for show.

Always about the weather or new techniques or the absolute _joys_ of parenthood.

Sasuke can never meet his eyes anymore. They have lost their shine long ago.

Because of him.

But Naruto seems to have the same trouble, his face curved to the side when they meet, eyes dancing around and never stopping.

It drives Sasuke out of his mind, this dance they compete in to see who can avoid the most, who can hide behind a wall of insecurity the longest.

The words that die on Sasuke tongue burn to get out, be free and transfer to Naruto. Each time Sasuke opens his mouth however, it is so awkward and the words, they can't get past Sasuke's pearl colored teeth.

Now Sasuke is walking, the wind blowing his coarse hair all over his face in a most annoying way, and the sun doesn't understand that Sasuke hates it.

The bookstore is a good place, if only just to get away, to clear his mind and just sit and stare at pages with jumbled words. Sasuke never reads them.

There are plenty of chairs and couches and generally comfortable thing. Sasuke goes straight to the closest which happens to be a wooden rocking chair, and gracefully sits down, though not before snagging a small novel off of a near by coffee table.

He opens it with a sigh, breathy and quiet.

Not five minutes pass before the bell chimes, signaling a new costumer. The store is small, quaint, just the way Sasuke likes it. The smell of fresh coffee is in the air. Sasuke was never a socialist. He never will be.

Sakura with her exuberance, her youth, her love of people. Sasuke almost feels bad sometimes, when the glow in her eyes dims when he says no to going out.

'Out.'

Where? Where would Sasuke want to go?

Something catches his eye, a quick glimpse of faded blond hair sticking out in every direction imaginable.

The usual feeling starts bubbling within him, in the pit of his stomach, sickening him.

There is a slight awkward pause before a weight settles beside him.

Sasuke does not look up.

Everything becomes personified, the outside world, the sweat beading around his collar bone, the ache in his chest that never ever goes away. It's just him and Naruto, distantly, quietly.

Background noise.

"How's the baby," Naruto questions softly, after minutes of awkward silence.

Sasuke glances at him from the corner of his eye nonchalantly, watching him sift through the pages of a magazine, bored expression on his clear, youthful face.

"Loud and disgusting, as all children tend to be."

There is a deep chuckle, unfamiliar but so welcome. Sasuke finds himself chiming in a snicker, if only to acknowledge that Naruto _is laughing with him_.

Naruto looks up suddenly.

"You were never like that, Sasuke."

_It was different for me_, is what Sasuke wants to say.

Instead he says, "you were," with an openly fond hitch in his voice, maybe giving too much away but he already has.

Their conversation stops, halts to a screech because this is so different than the normal overly politeness, the aversion to the past.

This is crossing their invisible line.

Naruto's hand twitches, Sasuke notes, as it drags itself up to scratch at whiskered cheeks.

_Do you remember when we were twelve years old and I was in Love with you? _is what Sasuke wants to say.

He wants to say a lot.

He doesn't say anything, just closes his eyes and waits. Waits for Naruto to leave, to do something.

"Sasuke?" is the quiet whisper, almost broken, almost terrified.

For the first time in days, months, Sasuke looks at his once loved friend, all curled up in the chair, biting off a nail. Naruto is not small, but in this moment he is just as fragile as a crystal vase, just as see - through.

Sasuke's heart stops.

Naruto is so beautiful. Still, after everything, he retains his pure vivid glow. After Sasuke's taint.

"Do you ever think about it?"

The question hangs in the air, like some infected thing. It can't be touched, can hardly be answered. Sasuke swallows thickly, putting down the book he never reads.

"Yes."

_I think about it so much it hurts. I think about your smile, your laughter, the way you wake me up in the mornings, the feel of your lips, the crows feet starting to touch your eyes. Your eyes. They're my favorite. The shine, the deep blue when you're sad, the sky color when you're happy. _

Sasuke's mouth dries up, his tongue scraping against his teeth uselessly.

Naruto stands, smiling slightly, blond hair shielding his eyes.

"I don't. Think about it, that is. When I think about you, I think of an infection. It's what you are."

And he walks out, bristly.

Sasuke chokes, coughs and hacks for several seconds.

Moisture stings his eyes.

Sasuke goes home, aching and bleeding, and thinks that tomorrow will be the same way.

Sakura smiles brightly, embracing him with their child in arms, giggling about something he's done while Sasuke's been gone.

Sasuke will listen and nod, he'll pat the boy, but that will be it. His heart lies farther away than their overly large manor, locked in the iron grip of a very hurt lover.

The boy, he'll wonder in a few years why his father is so silent, so emotionless.

And then, when he realizes why, he will hate himself.

Tbc...

-Sasuke laughs in my face as his chidori blows my leg off-

I am so sorry everyone. Thank you all for your support with this fic, and I'm trying to work out where I want to take it. I've lost some of my obsession for Naruto, but it's slowly coming back. I'll have the next chapter out mucho sooner, promise!

I also need a name for this love child of Sasuke and Sakura. I hate naming other characters, even if it's a harmless, adorable monster -cough- baby

Please keep reading!


	3. Detection

Disclaimer: I disclaim.  
Warning: Yaoi, sexual situations, language, and a dose of angst to even it out.  
Pairing: SasukexNaruto, SasukexSakura

**Something Like  
**iii.detection

It's like being on some sort of drug. He has moments of being "on" Naruto, moments of uncontrollable obsession. And then, there are the few days he just gets by, thoughtless and listless. The shrill screams of the boy are like distant hummingbirds, and Sakura is simply a childhood memory.

But then, he is viciously ripped back into the real world.

Sasuke glances down at his pale hand, sporting a thin gold band that doesn't mean anything. He had another ring once, that he keeps hidden in his room, under pens and paper and other useless things.

"Ichigo, come here," Sakura says, cutting off further train of thought. The small child waddles over, growing faster and faster. He has learned to walk, after many painful attempts. She picks him up with ease, gently cradling him in a warm embrace.

He feels a pang of guilt for not helping her put him to sleep, feels like he should really just leave. He takes up space, unneeded. They barely talk, and he knows, he knows she is beginning to resent him. Maybe it's pitiful for him to enjoy it.

But really it was never her fault.

She should have realized what she signed up for, however.

She glances back at him, always with a strained smile. "Sasuke, will you do me a favor in the morning?"

"Hm?" He stifles a nasty twitch.

"Will you go over to Naruto's, and drop off Ichigo. I have something to do tomorrow and I know you don't like to be alone with him very long. I thought you two could both watch him, and you know he's lonely," Sakura trails off into the bedroom, not waiting for a reply, but already knowing the answer.

Sasuke blinks, frowning slightly. The thought of seeing those clear eyes sends shivers down his spine. He hasn't seen Naruto in nearly three months.

-

Waking up is almost painful. Sakura has long since left to do something, something Sasuke didn't catch when she was babbling. He showers, combing through his thick black hair, scrubbing it clean like it has not been for days. He dresses casually, awkwardly smoothing down the few wrinkles in his shorts.

He feels twelve years old again, being completely stupid in thinking his appearance mattered to a brain dead - one track mind - twelve year old Naruto.

He sighs quietly, the sound lost in the beat of his heart, and he walks into Ichigo's room. The boy is sleeping in a strange position, his leg twitching out. Sasuke smiles before he can stop it, and a small bubble of affection crawls into his stomach. He pretends not to care - and sometimes he honestly doesn't, but this child reminds him of ...

"Ichigo," he whispers softly, moving to pick up the boy. He's only held him once before, awkwardly and not without disdain. This time he is careful, and though he will not admit it, holding the child isn't as bad as he initially thought it would be. Ichigo sleeps, snoring calmly.

What a silly name for a little boy. Sakura craved strawberries during her pregnancy nonstop. She gained very little weight, so she decided to call him Ichigo, and swears it's what kept her from gaining more.

The clouds bunch in the sky to obscure the blinding sun, for which Sasuke is thankful. The boy continues his slumber all the way to Naruto's apartment.

Sasuke is honestly not surprised he remembers the way, or all the access points for easy entry. He can remember fondly jumping through Naruto's window on a particularly hot night, surprising the blond boy in to a slight shock before he could act, and firmly yell at Sasuke for his antics. The window stayed closed after that night.

He stands in front of the same beaten door from his memories, sweating and nervous and completely un-Uchiha. He hasn't seen this man in so long, not since _that_ painful conversation. The words still singe through his mind, making him wince, cringe, having his heart cry out.

"_When I think about you_, _I think of an infection... it's what you are._"

His stomach starts to eat itself.

"Naruto," he says, loud enough to be heard. He wonders if the man will open the door, and right as he is about to turn away, there is a bang, and the blond is right there, standing in the doorway.

He glares pointedly at Sasuke.

"I didn't say I'd babysit you, too, Uchiha."

Sasuke's throat closes up, his arms tremble, and he almost drops the boy.

"The door's open."

Naruto retreats back into his little apartment, and Sasuke is left to follow, heart cramped in his lungs.

"I -"

"Here, give me Ichi, I'll put him in the bedroom."

Their fingers brush briefly, enough to make Sasuke shiver all over. Naruto's skin is still soft as can be, still young and glowing. He bites back a moan, knowing that Naruto would hate him more.

The scent of stale, old ramen fills his nostrils, pulling a small smile to his lips. He glances around at the state of the place, and it is completely messy in that irresistible Naruto way. Sasuke can practically hear the past arguments about cleanliness in his mind.

Slight movement catches his eye and he turns to see Naruto standing beside the door, frown on his face with his arms crossed. His hair is tangled and dangling in his face, hiding his emotions.

"Naruto -"

"Don't," Naruto hisses, those beautiful eyes shut tight. "I want to pretend like you don't exist, like I don't have to feel this way everyday of my life. Just seeing you... I thought I was over you, I thought I could go on, have a family - do _something._"

Sasuke feels his blood pound in his ears, hard and relentless that he can barely hear Naruto.

He steps closer, wanting so badly to reach out, to cover Naruto with his body, to blanket his fear and take away his pain.

"Naruto," He says solidly, firmly, and without anxiety. He has to get his words out, has to tell him what he's wanted to tell him since the beginning. Before ruining their lives. "My life, I live it for you. I understand you hate me. I promised my family long before I met you I would carry on the blood line, and I have completed my objective. At your expense. Please realize there is not a day where I smile, unless it is for you. This child, how can I love him? I don't. I don't love either of them, and it's all my fault."

Naruto stares at him blankly, finally looking down at the scratched up hardwood. Sasuke takes it as a sign to continue.

His body begins the shake, teeth chatteringly together.

Excitement courses through him, surging him forward.

"But now I'm comitted - and I'm trying to care... even just a little. When every moment my bones scream for you, my heart aches for you. I... it's slowly driving me insane. And to know you despise me -"

"Stop it," Naruto whispers, quickly turning his back.

"I, god, _I love you_. Do you even understand how much I honestly care for you, you dobe!" Sasuke doesn't quite know why he feels so enraged, but it's Naruto's nonchalant attitude, maybe it's the way he's hiding behind his mask.

He's just so angry.

And in a split second, he is on Naruto, has him on the floor, arms pinned above his head. Of course, the blond man kicks out his legs, sends them rolling, and they hit the wall. Sasuke heaves out a long breath, opening his eyes to see Naruto sitting up, staring at him.

"What was that for?"

Sasuke grits his teeth irritably, and lunges again, intent on bringing their lips together. He knows Naruto will feel the intensity and understand, god, he'll understand.

Instead of attacking him again, Sasuke brings a hand up to weave into Naruto's soft spikes, slightly surprised when he does not flinch away. Instead, the man leans into the touch, eyes darkened to a deep midnight blue. The skin around his eyes is puffed up and red, a sure sign of tears. Sasuke wipes one inching down his face away.

"Fuck. I've missed you so much... Sasuke, what am I going to do..."

"Love _me_," he returns, taking Naruto down with him as he finally connects their lips, giving the kiss his all. He breaks it, looking down at the flushed blond. "Be with me, and nothing else will matter. Who cares about Sakura! The blood line is saved, and now it's time for us," he reaches down to interlace their hands, noting how they lock together like a glove, "for us to be happy."

Naruto turns his head away.

"That's wrong, Sasuke. Your fucking _son_ is sleeping in the bedroom."

But Naruto's body sings for him, betrays him, so Sasuke kisses him, hard. Their mouthes let the words be said, without the sound.

He rips off the band that binds him and Sakura and throws it across the room, not missing the small clanking sound as it hits the floor.

And the storm inside him is truly calmed.

"No one will know," Sasuke whispers, tense and aching, but so complete inside that it _still_hurts. He holds Naruto like he's never held Sakura.

To be incomplete is such an awful thing.

-

tbc...

Uh, yeah!

This would be a nice stopping place, since I am totally out of the Naruto fandom.  
I'm putting to be continue on it just in case I get a sudden urge to add onto the plot. But, please take it as is.

Thankssss for reading.


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